@jeffreyr77: Learning karate in case I'm ever attacked by cinder blocks and wood planks.
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@Coolisiana: (Date) "What's wrong?" Oh nothing I'm just a nervous hummer "Aw how cute!!" *perfectly hums the entire Jurassic Park theme at full volume*
@liv_thatsme: *knocking on my neighbor’s door* Me: Hey, can you guys stop fighting while I run to the store? I wanna hear how this ends.
@FrogAvalanche: -Where was I conceived, dad? Dad: Ahh *rubs back of neck* At the Bellagio in Las Vegas. -Rly? Dad: Wd I lie to u, Bestwestern Broomcloset?