@Sean_Burgundy_: Leave everyone stranded at a bank robbery to play laser tag when you're the get away driver and suddenly no one is your friend anymore
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@VVanGone: I'm around a bunch of people right now remembering why I don't like being around a bunch of people
@werehedgehog: - How much for the mobile tampon? - Ma'am? - It's a bit big. - Ma'am, it's a lamb. - Does it make that sound because it has detected blood?
@str8upjuggahos: How can a middle aged unemployed rat with 4 teenage turtles afford so much pizza?
@mrtruthandsoul: I've decided to take some time off Twitter so I can focus on work and, ok, I'm back