@Sean_Burgundy_: Leave everyone stranded at a bank robbery to play laser tag when you're the get away driver and suddenly no one is your friend anymore
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@MsCassieDaniels: A cat is the animal equivalent of the girl who hated you for no reason in high school.
@INDlAN_: [shootout] Cop: I said fire a warning shot Me: I already did. Cop: you shot him in the face Me: warning the others that I’m a very good shot
@JohnLyonTweets: Interviewer: [looking through file] Are you still disruptive at nap time? Me: Wow, they weren't kidding about that permanent record thing.
@Dawn_M_: Kinda rude the way this hedgehog is running away from me when I'm trying to stick cheese on his spikes.