@CloydRivers: Leave it to the idiot hippys to adopt a "holiday" on Hitler's Birthday. Merica.
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@vivalamoi448: 4 yo: Mommy, it feels so good. Me: What does? 4 yo: To be a gangster. Me: ... Go tell your father I said to come here.
@martyntanton: Just been banned from my church's Easter service. Apparently the first words Jesus spoke after emerging from his tomb weren't "Ta-Daa!"
@causticbob: Why does Batman wear a mask? Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis.
@wittwitbarista: Dear diary, Today I learned drinking electrolytes does not give you electrical powers. must now find other ways to become a super villainess