@buhsbaby_baby: *leaves a "beautiful eyes" comment on all your leg selfies
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@Tommytoughstuff: ME: This electric toothbrush knocked a few of my teeth loose. DENTIST: That's an egg beater.
@SergioValenCo: Don't scream. I came to your house because you never responded to my DMs. Are you OK?
@KentWGraham: Don’t be fooled by the treadmill in my basement. I got it so I can be in a recliner drinking a beer even when I’m walking the dog.
@murrman5: "so, have you ever done a job interview over the phone before?" [over vigorous peeing] no, this will be a first