@yoyoha: Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
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@Robinbuble: If you post a handstand photo of yourself at the beach in Uggs you're automatically entered into an essay contest on why you love your Jetta
@StellaGMaddox: I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
@TheBoydP: Did you know a tornado with no debris is called a naked twister? Related: This evening is not going how I imagined.