@Mikecanrant: Legally, if a woman is wearing hoop earrings that are as big as the side of her face, you are allowed to hurl a basketball at her head.
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@huntigula: If you watch "The Empire Strikes Back" backwards it's about a kid so traumatized to learn his dad's identity he starts hitting on his sister
@BuckyIsotope: “I don’t have to run faster than the bear. I just have to run faster than you,” I say to my hiking companion. It is Usain Bolt. A bear waves
@BrownBoxers: No cop can catch a kid on a 10 speed. -every 80s movie with cops chasing kids on 10 speeds.
@darkmatter_wimp: At the club, a 6'1" girl was crying in my lap. I just kept petting her hair, pretending she was a sad giraffe. Win-win.