@MelKassel: LEONARDO DA VINCI: *on street corner* eeey girl! gimme a smile, girl! nah, not that big. make it cryptic, girl, like 'what is she thinking'
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@SarahAMoulton: *at my funeral, friends talk around the coffin* So crazy, just two days ago she was doing good - *I rise from grave* I was doing WELL.
@BoogTweets: Her: You're all sweaty. Where have you been? *Flash back to an hour long struggle of me trying to separate 2 shopping carts* Me: The gym.
@smelbz: The worst part of going on a date with a guy I don't like is how my grandma always dies before our food gets there.
@Thee1_4U: My daughter just said that I'm the best dad she's ever had. So I got that going for me.