@KeetPotato: leonardo dicaprio would have won 8 oscars by now if he was named after one of the cooler turtles
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@SarahFemme: I hope at my funeral someone has the foresight to bring a Ouija board so I can live tweet Hell.
@thejessbess: I put "the rap" in therapy. Yo, yo. Emotional baggage, bitter like cabbage. Rollin up the green like a Hulked out savage. Burger, Inc.
@House_Feminist: 1day I'll be thankful my daughter is an independent iron willed human w/an unrelenting strong voice,but not today, not in this grocery store
@Molly_Kats: The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I'm 100% sure there's a murderer in my bathroom.