@KeetPotato: leonardo dicaprio would have won 8 oscars by now if he was named after one of the cooler turtles
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@SteveDutzy: I don't mind when a waitress says, "Is Pepsi fine?" when I ask for some coke. But when my drug dealer says it, it's kind of annoying
@qwertying: Husband: [sends text] We need to break up. Wife: [sends text] WTF! Husband: [sends text] Sorry. That was meant to go to someone else.
@MartaEffing: When my date told me he was a 'culinary genius', I replied, 'Then this Brazilian won't go to waste!', and winked. Now we wait.