@DBMaxP: Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
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@AHundredElbows: [at pet store] "This tortoise's shell keeps going soft. Am I doing something wrong?" "No, it happens. It's just a reptile dysfunction."
@dinnersruined: I just want a girl that's nice and sweet that doesn't require a lot of money and I can dunk them in milk wait, a cookie, I want a cookie