@Vodkantots: Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don't understand how weather works.
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@VikeeysSecret: Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
@InternetHippo: [i get a phone call] "Hi we'd like to talk to you about your tweets" ME: Wow thank you but I don't do interviews "This is the police"
@Vice_Queen: My ex is such a loser that if there was a competition for the world's biggest loser, he'd still only win 2nd place.