@TheLemon_: Lets all agree,
having your cake and eating it too,
is the same damn thing.
@wjflowers: "No flying cars yet?", he wrote from a 2 inch by 4 inch pocket computer instantaneously to subscribers worldwide using only his right thumb.
@KeetPotato: [lookin in bushes for our baby]
me: where the hell can he be?
dog: roof roof roof
me: will you shut up
[baby waves at the dog from the roof]
@iGreenMonk: I got caught peeing in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly, I nearly fell in.
@AristotlesNZ: Cop failed me on the sobriety test even tho I not only touched my nose like he asked but went on & totally nailed the rest of the macarena.
@rolldiggity: "What should we name this fruit?"
"Let's not let Todd name any more fruits."