@TheLemon_: Lets all agree,
having your cake and eating it too,
is the same damn thing.
@XplodingUnicorn: Jesus: Go forth. You are now fishers of men.
Peter: *harpoons a guy*
Jesus: Too literal, bro.
@Cali_Kid_Mike: Yesterday I told my aunt that DTF means "Doing the Facebook". Her daily posts are much more entertaining now.
@The_Grant_Boldt: "Hi can I just have a single burger?"
I'm sorry, all of our burgers are in a relationship
"But that's not eve-
Please show some respect
@AimeeHelene1: CW: What's for lunch; smells good!
Me: Well I made lasagna last night but lost a fingernail in it & haven't found it yet.