@alexblagg: "Lets all start wearing weird '90s mom jeans!" - girls now
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@thetits: WIFE: Honey? why is there a deer in the living room wearing your clothes? HONEY? [Cut to me running naked through the moonlit forest]
@Kyle_Lippert: Mumford & Sons! It's your cousin, Marvin. Marvin & Sons. You know that new sound you're looking for? *holds phone to a boiling pot of water*
@NickBossRoss: "Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Actually I think it was when you hit me with your car-" "WE GOT AN ANGEL OVER HERE!"
@Uniquicorn: *Joe Biden nibbles Obama's ear* - Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it - No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! - ...please stop Biden my ear