@Dory: Let’s all take a minute and be thankful that bugs aren’t the same size as us
@Wtftab: I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
@primawesome: I'd give these pigeons some bread but they'd probably just spend it on drugs.
@ruinedpicnic: Neil Armstrong: now where did I park my car?
[presses key button]
[tiny orange light flashes on the moon]
@wickedsuga: alarm (noun)
-a device commonly used in the morning to invent new curse words.
@FatherWithTwins: By the time my 5yo is done with his dinner, it'll be time to start applying to colleges.