@ChaseMit: Let's be honest: The documentary they were making before the Blair Witch killed them would have sucked
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@simoncholland: [Produce Aisle] Sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave. *mouthful of like 20 grapes * "That lady took one too!!"
@murrman5: [first day as funeral director] this is the dress she wants to be buried in "It's very pretty but we highly suggest a coffin"
@_Ms_Moneypenny_: I want to surprise my boyfriend by sending him a sexy pic while he's at work, but I can't decide what outfit to put on the cat.
@AmishPornStar1: See ya later, alligator. After a while, crocodile. Catch ya mañana, little iguana.