@kelkulus: Let's legalize all drugs so Americans finally learn the metric system.
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@Beyerstein: Primaries are like childbirth. After a great deal pain, yelling, and recrimination, everyone forgets how awful it was until the next time.
@shutupmikeginn: Girl on my bus has a therapy dog with a marked vest and I was like, "what kind of therapy is he in?" because of course I said that
@earthfalcon33: PRANK: ask someone what's on their shirt and when they look down give them a perm
@cookiesnweed: Get your shit together, people at McDonald's drive thru who sit there all confused like the menu hasn't been the same for the last 50 years