@DDonovan_24: Lets make it happen guys!
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@AnnietheNanny1: What kind of shit holiday encourages kids to ring my doorbell AND ask for free food?
@therealeatwood: [Wedding] “…to join these two in holy matrimony. The Ring, please?” [Maid of Honor pops tape in VCR.] [One week later: everyone dies.]
@DurtMcHurtt: Rob somebody at gunpoint today, show the world how serious you are at nicknaming your new friend Robert.
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: Any questions for me? ME: How do I access the WIFI? INTERVIEWER: I meant about the job ME: Is that all capital?