@causticbob: I still see some of my ex-girlfriends. Well, not so much see, more like...watch.

@Burtslorp: *Jesus looks over bill from last supper* "It looks like a fair tip would be about 30 silver." "I got this!" Judas yells, almost too quickly.

@CalmTomb: Tonight on The History Channel's Dying in the Woods: Eric dies in the woods.

@carlyken: [bank robbery] OK EVERYBODY GET DOWN! [dave starts doing the electric slide] Damn it Dave, not you, go grab the money

@FunnyPicsDepot: when ur mom defending u @ a parent teacher conference