@figgled: #liestoldbygirls I am an 18th century mahogany cabinet.
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@FuckabillyRex: Instead of a post-workout protein shake I have mashed potatoes and gravy and instead of working out I have mashed potatoes and gravy.
@ariscott: I'm at a hockey game and the players weren't really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled "come on" and then they tried harder.
@IamTMoS: I asked mom once how she knew dad was "the one". "because," she replied, "DNA tests don't lie."
@UncleDuke1969: You follow me. I follow you. You unfollow me. I unfollow you. You follow me. I follow you. You unfollow me. I block you. "A Game of Phones"