@margolundy: Life dull? Add 'or die trying' to every statement. "I'm gonna pick up milk on the way home OR DIE TRYING." Instant excitement.
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@AlexRogaski: [Science Meeting, 1924] Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique? It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"
@jergarl: I'm ONLY remembering to drink fluids because you told me to. NOT because fluids are literally the only thing you CAN drink, KAREN.
@UnFitz: Me: Hi, mom. I'm feeling tremendous guilt. Mom: Why? Me: Just thought I'd save you the effort.