@DKSC4LIFE: LIFE HACK: If you’re a spy, marry a vegan. They won’t be upset when they find out you’re a plant.
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@4handfuls: My kids always seem confident in making decisions until they have to decide which leg to put in their pants first...
@raniao2011: I don't hold grudges or plot for revenge, I will simply send a bunch of Jehovah's witnesses to your door...on a daily basis.
@Reverend_Scott: [1st day as police officer] PARTNER: THAT CAR FLEW BY DOING 126 MPH! LET'S ROLL! ME: Um, ok, but I literally JUST got this ice cream cone.
@samalmightysam: -I love you! -Me too! -You too what? -What you said -What did I say? -That -Say it -What? -I want u to say it -Well -and? -what? -Say it -it