@DanMentos: LIFE HACK: Tired of the neighbors' noisy kids playing in front of your house? Sign up for the sex offender registry
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@Lovestained555: Look on the bright side, your insomnia keeps most of the spiders out of your mouth.
@rachelle_mandik: Yes but what if Donald Trump IS actually dead but his toupee is alive and steering him round like a marionette?
@mattgallo123: Whenever I'm drinking gatorade and wearing gym clothes I wonder if people think I'm exercising or if they know I'm hungover on laundry day.
@duplicitron: Probably the rudest thing you can do to a stingray is catch it with a fishing pole and then fly it like a kite.