@DeepDarkFear: Life is short. Beat it up and steal its lunch money.
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@AdderallMomma: My mom took my child into a store and left me in line to wait for Santa by myself, so now I look like a narcissistic creeper-thanks mom.
@InternetHippo: [creating x-men] A wheelchair-bound visionary leads his people through a major conflict "That's literally WWII" Ok then…one guy has claws
@buhsbaby_baby: When you unfollow me, I find your name on a Coke bottle, shake it up, put it back on the shelf and whisper "suck it" under my breath.
@NewDadNotes: [watching Olympic Figure Skating] Me: HOLY CRAP!!! THAT ROUTINE WAS INCREDIBLE!!! T.V. Announcer Johnny Weir: it’s obvious to everyone how awful that routine was Me: oh