@SamGrittner: Life is what happens when you're busy choosing a filter for what already happened in life.
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@better_off_dad: Me: Alexa, are you listening even when I don't say 'Alexa'? Alexa: No, I only listen when you say 'Alexa'. M: Thanks A: Welcome M: Hey!
@weinerdog4life: Welcome to Bed Bath & Beyond, here's your gun, shoot anything that comes out of the Beyond
@StellaRtwot: Just saw a bumper sticker that said "I'd rather be tweeting." It was on a car that was flipped upside down in a ditch.