@SamGrittner: Life is what happens when you're busy choosing a filter for what already happened in life.
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@WilliamAder: If you've ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you've seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
@RexHuppke: My wife said the infinity scarf I got her is too small and I said: "That's mathematically impossible." Anyhoo, we're divorced now.
@Reverend_Scott: "So, why do you want to be a veterinarian?" [pictures an army of cyborg dogs with laser eyes and jet packs] ...I love to help animals.
@ms_woodsy: Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women. For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.