@theshamingofjay: Life's a piano and I'm wearing boxing gloves
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@hazelmotes1: I keep my monocle freshly waxed so it easily slips out of my eye socket and falls into my cup of tea whenever I'm shocked by your behavior.
@Squizbot: I would never cheat in a relationship because that would require two people finding me attractive.
@simoncholland: It's fine to eat a "test" grape in the produce section but you take one bite of a rotisserie chicken and it's all, "sir you need to leave."