@fulciHugazombie: Like most parents, I live in fear of the day I have to explain PRETTY WOMAN to my daughter.
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@KrangTNelson: one time when I was a kid I was in canada on canada day but didn’t realize it was canada day and I saw a mountie on stilts so I spent the next couple of years thinking canada had stilt cops
@ItsDanSheehan: When a zoo animal dies they always call it "beloved" or a "crowd favorite" like there's some animal named "Jimmy the zebra everyone hates"
@smhluckyme: Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo? Romeo: God woman, can I just take a shit in peace?
@slimmy_shady: Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might accidentally clean them?