@Lisabug74: Like prison, most don't learn the life of crime till locked up. Like twitter, I learned to creep into houses and quietly eat their cheese.
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@FinallyHeSleeps: Just went into a women's restroom and lifted all the toilet seats.
@Dawn_M_: Okay stranger, it's clear that we walk at the exact same pace, speed up or at least hold my hand.
@imteddybless: my cousin's baby is due tomorrow & my grandma keeps checkin her phone for news. waitin for the baby 2 text her like "im here lol. from baby"
@bananagrvyrd: Opened the lint filter on my dryer after washing my dog's bedding and another dog fell out.
@StevieKnip: PSA: If you're about to be arrested, climb to the roof of a nearby court. You are now 'above the law' & literally can't get in trouble ever
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