@Lisabug74: Like prison, most don't learn the life of crime till locked up. Like twitter, I learned to creep into houses and quietly eat their cheese.
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@MandiAtRandom: Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth...and drink all the vodka inside. It seems to help
@snatch_stache: Drugs don't ruin people's lives, drug tests do.
@Jubafisher: Haters gonna hate, alligators gonna alligate
@causticbob: The kidnapper rang and said "£10,000 and you get your wife back" "Negotiate with him!" advised the policeman "£20,000 and she's all yours"
@jackmackenroth: People are always impressed to find out that I got my PhD at 17 but anything is possible if you work hard enough and lie.
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