@Lisabug74: Like prison, most don't learn the life of crime till locked up. Like twitter, I learned to creep into houses and quietly eat their cheese.
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@HomeProbably: Of course my days are numbered.. That's how calendars work.
@foodandwhining: People with eyebrow, nose, and lip piercings always look like they landed face-first into a tackle box.
@lovemyboots111: The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
@withanewname: [Jaws 5] Shia LaBeouf: Wait, is that a real shark? Spielberg: ACTION!!
@lisasopinions: Facilitator: Any questions about the sexual harrassment course before we start? *raises hand* Me: Is "harass" one word or two? F: Me: Thx
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