@lachlan: Lincoln and Twilight opening the same weekend? Once again, Abe gets killed in a theater, and he's already fought vampires once this year.
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@Home_Halfway: ME: Hey congrats, I hear you're pregnant CLIENT: Yes, thank you! ME: *trying to think of a good power move* Many species eat their young
@QwertyJones3: [First date] HER: I want a man who is intensely passionate when he sees something he wants ME: PASS THE FREAKING SALT