@IvoryGazelle: listed 911 as my emergency contact because, nice try, i know how emergencies work
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@pharmasean: If youre a serial killer & you dont call your murder shack a 'bloodshed,' well I've just about given up on you
@fro_vo: [job interview] Interviewer: are you familiar with microsoft word Me: yes i've heard that word many times
@thepunningman: Remember, you are statistically more likely to be killed by a donkey than a plane crash. [Donkey Pilot turns and does throat slit gesture]
@copymama: Telling a mom to relax while her family does everything on Mother’s Day is like telling a pilot to relax while the passengers fly the plane.