@leechee420: Listen google, it's 2015. I need you to figure out who I'm talking about when I type "that one guy in that movie I didn't like."
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@shkeeber: Things safer than flying Malaysia Airlines: -Badger juggling -Heroin enemas -Grenade soup -Live cobra condoms -Roman candle tampons -Ebola
@omgthatspunny: My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
@WeekendTwitr: Get noticed by more companies on LinkedIn by adding af to the end of all of your job titles.
@NoTheOtherJohn: I can really relate to eminem in "8 mile" because my moms spaghetti is really bad too