@nicfit75: Listen lady, you have 2 options. Either make your baby stop eyeballing me, or she & I can go outside to settle this.
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@fillthevacuum: Pro tip: The Labor Day weekend is a great time to start drafting your Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas tweets.
@Bizarro_Mark: The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn't amused when I said, "I don't think it's working"