@Quartzjixler: Her: Is breakfast almost ready? Me: Yeah, I just have to drain the sausage. Her: Can't we please wait till after breakfast for that?

@SaraESpivey: 5 out of 6 people enjoy playing Russian Roulette.

@iRowlf: Prank Idea: Toss some red laundry in the ocean and turn the great white sharks into the great pink sharks.

@KeetPotato: unstable person: "jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams, 9/11 was an inside job" stable person: "i look after horses"

@slimmy_shady: I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist.