@andreeahluscu: Listening to Jay-Z has literally taught me everything I know about whether or not a cop can legally search my car.
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@Carbosly: "I'm scared of thunder and vacuums but this beehive full of killer bees looks delicious." - Dogs
@rockymomax: [x-ray] DOCTOR: wow ME: what DOCTOR: I don't know, there's a bunch of- ME: *eating a handful of pennies* a bunch of what
@OtherDanOBrien: [Dog Restaurant] "Is the Book Report any good?" Yes, Sir. "How's it prepared?" A 9yo stayed up till 3am to finish it. "Ooh, I'll have that."