@ZachXJ: Little kid next to me on a plane just ate the preservative packet out of his jerky, looked at me and said, "Don't tell my mom."
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@SadMeterologist: Police: How did they break in? Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside. Police: They found it? Me: They threw it through the window.
@scorpicpanda: Hubs proposed to me with a really cool flash mob and a medley of Nirvana hits. JK. He was like, "I wanna marry you." And I was like, "K."
@peachesanscream: Told my friends that I was qualified to give them Botox injections. I raised a few eyebrows.