@causticbob: live long and prosper!
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@ImSoFrancis: Food just tastes better upside-down 1. upside-down cake 2. hamburgers 3. not cereal tho 4. oh no cereal is everywhere 5. why did I do this
@noogscorner: Pick something up. You just applied more force on that object than the gravity of an entire planet. Earth, do you even lift?
@amishschool: Chicago launched an innovative new ride-sharing program today and the way it works is some guy stole my bike.
@ProdigyNelson: Dad: relax kids, no monkey business in a nice restaurant [table over] Monkey 1: *slams briefcase shut, stands up* Monkey 2: not worth it man