@causticbob: live long and prosper!
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@1followernodad: Even getting salmonella from cookie dough would not convince me that you can get salmonella from cookie dough
@Parentpains: Some coworkers remind me of my ex, because I would jump in front of a bus to get out of a conversation with them too.
@PaperWash: me: [gets on one knee] GF: [gasps] me: [reaches into pocket] GF: OMG me: [pulls phone out] don't move there's a Pokemon on your foot