@justabloodygame: Lmao at people who 'play Devil's advocate' like Lucifer doesn't already own all the lawyers.
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@AmberTozer: Good thing "you only live once" has really caught on otherwise we might all kill ourselves like it's no big deal
@BadJordon: Autocorrect just changed 'so thirsty' to 'sloth irate' and I'm slowly getting angry about it.
@AndyAsAdjective: Boss, I can't come in today. Got a bad case of- *puts hand over phone* -what was it again? Daughter: Boogeritis. *to phone* It's Boogeritis.
@Dani_Feld: That's it. The next time a relative asks me if I have a boyfriend, I'm going to say "no, I'm just sleeping around".