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@HeyItsMartty: Lmao cmon
@mattgallo123: It's funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim.
@radtoria: Friend: You'll find love again.
Me: STOP THREATENING ME
@KevinBuffalo: Actually, I thought 50 Shades Of Grey was about Taco Bell meat.
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: I can't believe my wife left me. I should of treated her better.
Me *should have
@thatUPSdude: Was driving with my dad the other day and he told me to get the map out of the glove box. Easy there Indiana Jones, I will just google it.