@Tmoney68: My girlfriend is pissed at me for never putting down the toilet seat. To be honest, I AM getting pretty tired of carrying it around.

@extrafabulous:

@preritpathak: People on Facebook Nowadays: *Clicks pic while sipping coffee* *Posts as DP with irrelevant caption: Every scar makes me who I am* WTF?

@TheAlexNevil: Parent Fact: Sugar makes kids crazy. Grandparent Fact: Vengeance is mine.

@UNTRESOR: The inventor of the USB cable died recently. They're still trying to figure out which way to put his casket in the ground.