@iGreenMonk: There are two types of people in this world: 1)People who tried to move an object with their mind at least once 2)Liars

@PearlsFromMyrna: Evelyn says Betty's Daughter is a lesbian but I've never noticed an accent.

@dafloydsta: [job interview] "And why do you want to be a fireman?" So I can fire people. "That's not what a-" *clenching fists* You're gonna be first.

@Reverend_Scott: I can turn wine into a one night stand. Your move Jesus.

@thenatewolf: *Slides a five across the bar* Bartender: Did you... Did you break this off our sign out front? Me: (Confidently) tap water please.