@mstern68: "At your cervix, m'lady" - me as an OBGYN and also just me

@lafpgh: Him: My brother wants us all to go camping together next summer. Me: Can’t go, I’m allergic. Him: To what? Me: Everything you just said.

@ibid78: Rookie cop: "But sir, why would man's laughter be a crime?" Chief: "ffs kid, it's one word. Manslaughter."

@ClearlyUnwell: I will ride you like a helicopter. Totally out of control.

@sarcasticmommy4: Kids: Yay! We have a 4 day weekend! Me: *drinks wine straight from bottle*