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@withanewname: Me: *hyperventilating* 911? BEES! ... EVERYWHERE! ... SEND...HELP! "Sir we don't ..." Me: OMG! DON'T YOU HAVE A SWAT TEAM FOR THIS?
@DaddyBeerGuy: Boss-You're Always the first one here! Me-Hey,*early bird gets the worm, right? *gets to poop or drink coffee without 3yr old interrupting
@brennadine: [Breakup] Her: We're just different Him: How? Her: Well, you want to hike & camp Him: And? Her: And I want to be a cartoon on the internet
@WookieInMyPants: Me: Can I leave early? Boss: Why? Me: Death Boss: Who died? Me: No one yet Boss: Me: Boss: Get out