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@see_more13: At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, "Make it 52"
@hipsterocracy: People shit on Columbus like they've never knocked on the wrong door and then murdered the people inside and lived there.
@MyMomologue: What I thought I would say as a parent: "You are going to change the world." What I say as a parent: "Stop licking the window."