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@vivalamoi448: 4 yo: Mommy, it feels so good. Me: What does? 4 yo: To be a gangster. Me: ... Go tell your father I said to come here.
@MUMSIEesq: Anytime I pass an unlocked minivan I throw a few of my kids' most annoying toys in the trunk.
@TravLeBlanc: The first of Jay-Z's 99 problems is the obsessive compulsive disorder that requires him to know his precise number of problems at all times.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Nephew just whispered something into a Cadbury Easter Bunny's ears then broke off its head. I'm sleeping with the lights on.