@thefosterer: lol no thanks my tires rotate themselves every day
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@VaultsOpen: My 6 year old nephew is legitimately pissed off that there is no actual monkey in the monkey bread.
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: how do you feel about traveling? Me: oh I dont know, I mean I just met you
@robfee: Where was the NSAs wire taps when the McCallisters were leaving messages w all the neighbors that Kevin was abandoned & alone? Thanks Obama.
@Moemontes: My dentist just looked in my mouth and said something is gonna have to come out. I suspect he's talking about my wallet.