@theshrillest: lol these ppl "don't see race" right up until you start making beloved fictional characters black, then they're 18th century anthropologists
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@Reverend_Scott: Carl: Gonna be a hot one today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: Male ostriches can roar like lions. Me: Fair enough, Carl.
@dumbbeezie: If there was a game show where people have to find a phone charger before their phone dies I would win the million dollars
@dafloydsta: I have good and bad news WIFE: Bad news first We need a new front door WIFE: And the good news? [points to Monster Truck in living room]
@simoncholland: It's fine to eat a "test" grape in the produce section but you take one bite of a rotisserie chicken and it's all, "sir you need to leave."