@candy_badass: Loneliness Status: Eating donuts and talking to the dog. He seems interested, but I think it's the donut.
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@JediGigi: Him: When I suggested we try a little role play, this is not what I had in mind Me: [in Jabba the Hutt costume] JUST PUT ON THE GOLD BIKINI
@superdadatron: Lies I'll never stop telling: 1. I'd never put you in a home, mom. 2. It's 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
@JediGigi: [he picks me up on 1st date] Him: What do you have there? Me: [struggling, crawling to his car because my backpack is weighing me down] Ham.