@_youhadonejob: Long weekend.
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@shawnspree: Me: (Insert inspirational quote here) Wife: Wow. That's deep, who said that? Me: I did. Didn't you hear me speak just now?
@Social_Mime: When I want to trim down my friend's list on FB I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
@TheQuietPsycho: When I was 20, I interviewed to harvest llama wool and showed up with a vegetable peeler. I was maybe drunk I can't even make this up
@Ygrene: [interview to be an undercover agent] Chief: Janine, can you send in the next applicant Janine: yes sir; next! [the large potted plant in the corner of the room stands up] Chief: Janine, can you send home the remaining applicants