@djdarrellripley: Look, I know you really miss her. But, you know what? Sometimes things aren't meant to be. One time I really wanted this waffle....
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@_The_Man__: Wife: the library called about an overdue book *eye my copy of Outlandish Excuses for Everyday Life* "Tell them I died in the moon wars"
@Book_Krazy: Don't let him know you're a hologram. Don't let him know you're a hologram. Interviewer: You've got the job! *extends hand* Me: Dammit
@BradBroaddus: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively