@GrantTanaka: Look, if you need a heimlich, just ask me nicely, enough of this flapping your arms and making faces shit.
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@Sickayduh: This girl won't stop crying because I told her that selfie filters wear off in 6 months.
@OtherDanOBrien: *Lady gives balloon to my son* ME: What do u say? SON: I WILL CRUSH MY ENEMIES ME: *nervous laughter* No, the other thing SON: Oh. Thank you
@clindsaysway: That awkward moment when the person who just made the elevator notices you were holding the 'close' button