@blade_funner: Look picnics, if I wanted to spend three hours protecting my food with a spork, I'd just go to prison.
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@TheToddWilliams: [Eating ribs at BBQ Joint] "Would you like a Wet-Nap?" No thanks, I had one this afternoon.
@daddyville: I like the word "panties" so much I'm going to start using it in place of "cool." Friend: Check out my new car! Me: Oh man, that's panties.
@the_gramble: Coworker: Do you have good taste in music? Me: I can only taste things I put in my mouth Both of us thinking: I work with an idiot