@Shingaboop: Look UPS guy, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
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@lynyrdsbackyard: Mistakenly punched premium at the gas pump today and now I have to sell one of my kids to the circus.
@iwearaonesie: *wakes up to wife and son screaming* me: What are you guys yelling about? them: YOU'RE DRIVING
@_notyourmom_: My 13 year old doesn't speak when she picks up the phone. She just listens and hangs up. I think she's going to be a hitman someday.