@Shingaboop: Look UPS guy, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Priest: Do you read to your kids from the Good Book? Me: Every night Priest: What's their favorite part? Me: When Frodo destroys the ring
@krishna_van: I don't always say 'oops', but when I do, it's usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
@joshbupkes: that moment when football players come out of the locker room and realize they're all wearing the same thing again