@AngelaEhh: Looking for a +1 for my wedding.
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@weinerdog4life: The date was going great until she spooked me and then I squirted her with ink and quickly swam away
@nigelgodwin: I bought myself one of those "off road vehicles" last week... Paid $3000 for it, got it home and found out it was a Canoe!!!
@kdelite8: Doctor: it's important to incorporate purple foods into your diet. Me: *eats purple cupcakes*
@weinerdog4life: The cops said 911 was for emegencies only and not for me to report suspicious looking clouds.