@kwirkyKerri: Looking to marry a pharmacist. Looks and personality optional. Just don't lose your job.
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@chriscr10571: The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's been telling lies." I replied, "Well, tell him he's bloody good - I ain't got any kids!"
@meganamram: I'm donating my body to science. I'm getting sick of it taking up space in the freezer.
@sixthformpoet: 1: Steal ice cream van 2: Drive around slowly but never stop 3: Be proud to have helped prepare children for life's many disappointments
@deardilettante: I am literally the only one at this baby shower who turned up with champagne & a coat hanger.