@venkaiceprinces: Looks like I'm finally going to meet my twitter crush, don't know if I should diet or let him find out the hard way Im good w camera angles
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@kimtopher22: A minute, 45 seconds. How long I'll hold my hands under a restaurant faucet before I finally realize it's not motion activated.
@MrGirlDad: I shaved my beard at my wife's request and she is now coming to terms with having married a chubby nine-year-old.
@blazed_ncis: *going through mail* "bills bills bills bills bills" "I think I'll unsubscribe from Daily Ducks Magazine."