@venkaiceprinces: Looks like I'm finally going to meet my twitter crush, don't know if I should diet or let him find out the hard way Im good w camera angles
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@TuSoonShakur: Peacock tails: Good! Pee cocktails: Bad.
@tastefactory: Wizard: Give me a burger Waiter: what's the magic word? Wizard: Abracadabra Waiter: *now a hamster* I meant please, but ok
@Token_Geezer: Apparently, the sonogram machine is to see unborn babies in the womb I thought it was for making you age 10 years. Instantly
@RobertManchild: [company meeting] Manager: $5000 in office supplies have gone missing. We are making some changes. Me: [in paper clip chainmail, sweating]
@mommywhitfield: I just want to be half as productive as my mom thinks she would be if she was me.
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