@venkaiceprinces: Looks like I'm finally going to meet my twitter crush, don't know if I should diet or let him find out the hard way Im good w camera angles
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@Bownuggets: Hot Dads in ur Area Are Disappointed in ur Browser History Especially the One ur Watching Right Now With Midgets Dressed Like Dinosaurs
@Sassafrantz: [lays down] Me: Feels so good to close my eyes. Brain: We should think about a fire evacuation plan.
@juliussharpe: For $100,000 I will come into your organization and evaluate whether the other consultants you're working with are idiots.
@ewfeez: [wife walks in on me rubbing coconut oil all over my body] What are you doing? "Uhh, SOMEONE said I don't glisten very well?"