@venkaiceprinces: Looks like I'm finally going to meet my twitter crush, don't know if I should diet or let him find out the hard way Im good w camera angles
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@coketruck76: I want hashbrown pills. ~the guy who invented Tater tots
@KyleMcDowell86: Has anybody told raccoons about crosswalks?
@Shot_Of_Cabo: She: Why don't we ever have sex anymore? Me: What's this "we" shit? I'm having plenty.
@JulieSnark: If you add a touch of olive oil to your pan of kale, it will help slide it into the garbage.
@KingsnorthAP: Death. Resurrection. Saviour. I believe in Robocop.
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