@CauseWereGuys: Lord please give me patience, because if you give me strength I may just beat someone to death.
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@kumailn: "I'll be a dentist. Then they'll love me." "We're terrified of dentists." "I'll kill a lion!" "It was a beloved lion with a name." "Dammit."
@ShutUpThatsWho: HOT GIRL AT WORK: I saw Death Of A Salesman last night & I really loved it ME: [trying to impress her] I've murdered 7 pizza delivery guys