@CauseWereGuys: Lord please give me patience, because if you give me strength I may just beat someone to death.
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@garrydavenport: Watson: "Holmes, why are you wrapped in a thin aluminium sheet?" Holmes: "DAMMIT, FOILED AGAIN!"
@Playing_Dad: Me: You want to watch a horror movie for Halloween? Dog: Sure, put it on Me: *turns on Dyson vacuum infomercial*
@DumbAlias: Spend hours getting screaming baby to sleep. Check on sleeping baby. Can't hear breathing...prod sleeping baby Repeat