@funnyordie: Lots of people comparing Trump to ISIS and Hitler. Wow. Take it easy, guys! That's not very nice to ISIS or Hitler.
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@flashember: You, watching House Hunters: this is ridiculous Me, a house hunter: [squatting low to the ground, sniffing house dung] a bungalow is nearby
@lisaxy424: 30 seconds staring confused at the calculator app before realizing why my phone wasn't calling the number I dialed.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. First I want to date you & get to know you."